Saturday, December 19, 2009

... we have to be responsible renters.

I hate packing...

I've been guilty of scrambled moves where I've procrastinated so excessively I've literally left more property behind than I took. An avid renter, I've never cared much for the trauma left behind - the owner's problem, not mine. And I know that's a horrible, HORRIBLE thing to say/way to be. It shouldn't surprise you to know, I've always moved because I'm in a situation overwhelmed with drama; where the act of running away is the only way I feel I can get out - even when logic tells me most of that problem will follow.

Anyway, the point... the house I'm moving from this time belongs to my parents so I can't just bolt like all the other times. Four weeks out, I've begun to slowly pack sections of a room until I become disinterested or distracted - at which point I give myself a pat on the back and plan to pick it up again the next day... or two. And I have high expectation to leave their house as close to the day I moved in as I've ever done.

But don't misunderstand... there's still plenty of drama being left behind - all out in the open and acknowledged. And that's new for me. So, I'm convinced I'm making progress and maybe, just maybe, I'll have what it takes to be a grown person... someday.

Monday, June 8, 2009

... an adventure is around the corner!

Her most famous words: (any time of year) "I'm bored."
So, I wanted to do my best to postpone those words in relation to summer vacation (for as long as possible) so I took The Bunny on an inaugural adventure.

So we headed off from downtown San Antonio (Starbucks Riverwalk) to the Pearls Farmers Market - approximately 2 miles each way. This is how it went...

The Bunny: "This is fun!!! Can I get my feet wet?" Me: "Please don't"

The beauty of our favorite attraction!!!

The Bunny finally realizing we've got a long walk ahead of us... You can almost see her apprehension at the path ahead!!

The Bunny: "This is cool!! It sounds like a jungle!!!" Me: "Thank God she has something to focus on besides how long we've walked and how far it is!"

This is right before I told her they were carnivorous!! If she didn't run so fast, that woulda been a great picture!!

The trip is really starting to pay off!! The Bunny is overlooking the river from the bridge at the Lock & Dam!!

The Bunny: "Holy Moly!!! This is so COOL!!!" Me: "Holy Moly!!! This is so COOL!!!"

This is "F.I.S.H" by Donald Lipski - Proof that art can be super fun! (So says The Bunny)

Worth a closer look!!!

An awesome grotto... This picture doesn't do it justice because the light coming outta the mouth is eerie!!

And we finally make it to the market... The Bunny is having no more of the fun pictures by this point so I sit down with her (feet throbbing - wore the wrong shoes) and tell her how I just didn't want her to be bored her first weekend of summer.

I think it'll be awhile before she tells me she's bored. My work here is done!!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

... it's therapeutic to meet up with people from high school.

Facebook... or Spacebook... or Myface - It's the new devil's playground.

HOWEVER - Since I've created my facebook page, I've been "reconnecting" with people from (of all places) high school. And "revisiting" feelings I've never wanted to think about again. I didn't get teased (to my face) but I wasn't a part of any clique either. I was a little too boy crazy and allowed that to dictate my years as a Holmes Husky being friends with their friends. For the most part, the kids in my class were only aware of me as another student in English or History or Biology to my knowledge.

So you could probably guess my surprise at being remembered AT ALL. And actually remembered fondly!!! The old wounds from being in the shadows of almost every group (except for the athletic girls - I was so clumsy then I didn't dare to go near them) were self-inflicted & self-imagined!! I've come to discover my high school isolation was all my own doing and in my more mature state have been asked to socials with the greatest mix of people.

I'm thankful for this cleansing... the brushing away of old thoughts and self-doubt. Hurray for me!!!

Monday, June 1, 2009

... prevention is sadistic torture in disguise.

Annual "Well Woman" exams are a necessary evil.

For me, this year (my 36th year) turned out to be especially sadistic. Aside from the plain ol' regularly intrusive exam (Hey, doc!! What's going on down there?!), I had the extra added pleasure of my very first mammogram. Apparently, this is the super-fantastic, jack-in-the-box prize for making it into the second round of womanhood (I'm scared to find out what the finalist win).

In my tra-la-la innocence, I made my way to the 2nd floor and was able to get "worked into" the scheduled appointments. "Great!" was my response... (insert stiffled giggle here) The radiology tech hid her devil horns well but her ice cold hands gave away her true intent... my discomfort. At the end - with glazed over eyes - I mentioned how much more painful it actually was than I expected, she said, "The suggested psi is 40 and you were barely at 23." Really... I swear I left that office with a word bubble over my head that said "Big Baby."

So... if the test comes back clear, I am good for another 3 1/2 years. Fingers crossed...

Saturday, May 30, 2009

... you should know more about your hometown.

My husband has been trying to convince me to see the Missions of San Antonio since we met. He, a Californian, has been 5 times in the short time he's lived in Texas and aside from the Alamo, I, a San Antonian, have never been. It's shameful, really.

I've been to the Grand Canyon, White Sands, the Petrified Forest... some fantastic national parks... but never the national parks in my own hometown.

I attribute this oversight to the fear I have about that area of town - and that it would be equivalent to attending church. It was not. Don't get me wrong... the churches at Mission San Jose and Mission Concepcion were really beautiful. And, I couldn't help but cross myself when I went in past the pews to the altar. But it was actually very much like all the other national parks. It was clean and adventurous and HISTORICAL.

I'm glad we went. I look forward to going again... soon.
(ps. I took the date/time stamp off for future pictures!)

Friday, May 29, 2009

... it's good to tap into your dormant creativity.

Since I met my husband, I've found myself very comfortable in my abilities (Not quite as comfortable in my skin, but that's another blog for another day). I've felt smarter, more hip and yes, more creative.
We all know creativity isn't enough. We can appreciate good art, a good movie, a great novel - but oh so very few can create that art, direct or act in that movie, write that novel. And just because I've always wanted to paint and write, I've been realistic about the true talent it takes to actually do it.
Somehow, my husband has become my reverse kryptonite, activating my super creative powers. I have done clay work and painted... and when I step back and look with as much objectivity as I can muster... I think it's not half bad.

His belief in me... is what juices my life. Thanks Peanuthead!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

... she makes me smile!

My daughter makes me proud...

Her beauty, her intelligence, her drive.
She inspires me. And I hope I inspire her.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

... there's a stillness first.

I'm alone at home.

But, in a few minutes, my husband will be home and then my daughter and we'll be rushing around to get ready for her induction ceremony into the National Junior Honors Society in less than 3 hours. Instead of allowing myself to enjoy these last few moments of calm, I'm becoming anxious at the idea that this time to myself is slowly slipping away. It happens all the time. I don't look forward to the way the dogs flipout when the door opens and the inevitable reminder that I forgot to do something that was asked of me this morning while I was half asleep or not giving my full attention to the question being asked.

So, I remind myself now... right now... that it's a good thing, too. That my husband will be happy to see me and my daughter will be excited to get ready for this honor she's worked all school year for... And I am lucky. Lucky my husband can't wait to come home and my daughter is such a wonderful person.

The slam of the car door... And now it begins.