...I fight with myself and lose.

I hate running… mostly.

I feel this great sense of accomplishment when it’s over and even part of the way done I get a boost of motivation. I know the health benefits it provides in my struggle to lose weight and get back to my thirty-year-old body. For the first time in my life, I’ve got my asthma under control (something I never thought would happen) well enough that running doesn’t mean suffocation anymore. Then there’s the Surf USA Half Marathon in Huntington Beach – the new dream that seems, to my ignorant mind, truly within my reach. So WHY is it such a struggle getting from the sofa to the sidewalk?

To my legs, the idea of putting one foot in front of the other in rapid repetition makes them heavy in anticipation of the soreness of my shins, knees, and thighs. To my feet, the impending act of heavy impacts and toes tightly packed makes them cramp and refuse to cooperate. To my body… well, let’s just say it’s not looking to go against the rest. And there have been plenty of excuses for skipping days like finding something else to do, not having a decent path, and bribing Derek not to push the subject. I know how wrong it is. I know it’s counterproductive and when that half marathon comes I’ll be wishing I spent more time training. That’s why I think I need to change my approach entirely.

I ran today - feeling pretty good about it, even after the ice pack on my shin/knees. Sadly, it took almost 2 hours to get off my butt and out the door by a combination of Runner’s World magazine inspiration and nagging from Derek. I don’t want to go through this again next time (scheduled for day after tomorrow) so maybe it's time for a plan. I’m thinking I could force myself NOT to focus ahead just enough to discourage me and instead focus on each tiny, TINY step.

1. Gear up (sporty, weather appropriate clothes, socks & running shoes)

2. Hair in ponytail & hat on.

3. Grab ipod.

4. Walk to door.

This could work for me because once I’m out there, the run happens pretty much on its own. And I’m determined to persevere and make running part of my life – whether I hate it or not – because I’m sure one day, I’ll love it as much as I love TV, a French dip sandwich, and Disneyland.