...I fight with myself and lose.

I hate running… mostly.

I feel this great sense of accomplishment when it’s over and even part of the way done I get a boost of motivation. I know the health benefits it provides in my struggle to lose weight and get back to my thirty-year-old body. For the first time in my life, I’ve got my asthma under control (something I never thought would happen) well enough that running doesn’t mean suffocation anymore. Then there’s the Surf USA Half Marathon in Huntington Beach – the new dream that seems, to my ignorant mind, truly within my reach. So WHY is it such a struggle getting from the sofa to the sidewalk?

To my legs, the idea of putting one foot in front of the other in rapid repetition makes them heavy in anticipation of the soreness of my shins, knees, and thighs. To my feet, the impending act of heavy impacts and toes tightly packed makes them cramp and refuse to cooperate. To my body… well, let’s just say it’s not looking to go against the rest. And there have been plenty of excuses for skipping days like finding something else to do, not having a decent path, and bribing Derek not to push the subject. I know how wrong it is. I know it’s counterproductive and when that half marathon comes I’ll be wishing I spent more time training. That’s why I think I need to change my approach entirely.

I ran today - feeling pretty good about it, even after the ice pack on my shin/knees. Sadly, it took almost 2 hours to get off my butt and out the door by a combination of Runner’s World magazine inspiration and nagging from Derek. I don’t want to go through this again next time (scheduled for day after tomorrow) so maybe it's time for a plan. I’m thinking I could force myself NOT to focus ahead just enough to discourage me and instead focus on each tiny, TINY step.

1. Gear up (sporty, weather appropriate clothes, socks & running shoes)

2. Hair in ponytail & hat on.

3. Grab ipod.

4. Walk to door.

This could work for me because once I’m out there, the run happens pretty much on its own. And I’m determined to persevere and make running part of my life – whether I hate it or not – because I’m sure one day, I’ll love it as much as I love TV, a French dip sandwich, and Disneyland.

... we have to be responsible renters.

I hate packing...

I've been guilty of scrambled moves where I've procrastinated so excessively I've literally left more property behind than I took. An avid renter, I've never cared much for the trauma left behind - the owner's problem, not mine. And I know that's a horrible, HORRIBLE thing to say/way to be. It shouldn't surprise you to know, I've always moved because I'm in a situation overwhelmed with drama; where the act of running away is the only way I feel I can get out - even when logic tells me most of that problem will follow.

Anyway, the point... the house I'm moving from this time belongs to my parents so I can't just bolt like all the other times. Four weeks out, I've begun to slowly pack sections of a room until I become disinterested or distracted - at which point I give myself a pat on the back and plan to pick it up again the next day... or two. And I have high expectation to leave their house as close to the day I moved in as I've ever done.

But don't misunderstand... there's still plenty of drama being left behind - all out in the open and acknowledged. And that's new for me. So, I'm convinced I'm making progress and maybe, just maybe, I'll have what it takes to be a grown person... someday.

... an adventure is around the corner!

Her most famous words: (any time of year) "I'm bored."

So, I wanted to do my best to postpone those words in relation to summer vacation (for as long as possible) so I took The Bunny on an inaugural adventure.

So we headed off from downtown San Antonio (Starbucks Riverwalk) to the Pearls Farmers Market - approximately 2 miles each way. This is how it went...

The Bunny: "This is fun!!! Can I get my feet wet?" Me: "Please don't"

The beauty of our favorite attraction!!!

The Bunny finally realizing we've got a long walk ahead of us... You can almost see her apprehension at the path ahead!!

The Bunny: "This is cool!! It sounds like a jungle!!!" Me: "Thank God she has something to focus on besides how long we've walked and how far it is!"

This is right before I told her they were carnivorous!! If she didn't run so fast, that woulda been a great picture!!

The trip is really starting to pay off!! The Bunny is overlooking the river from the bridge at the Lock & Dam!!

The Bunny: "Holy Moly!!! This is so COOL!!!" Me: "Holy Moly!!! This is so COOL!!!"

This is "F.I.S.H" by Donald Lipski - Proof that art can be super fun! (So says The Bunny)

Worth a closer look!!!

An awesome grotto... This picture doesn't do it justice because the light coming outta the mouth is eerie!!

And we finally make it to the market... The Bunny is having no more of the fun pictures by this point so I sit down with her (feet throbbing - wore the wrong shoes) and tell her how I just didn't want her to be bored her first weekend of summer.

I think it'll be awhile before she tells me she's bored. My work here is done!!